"...Well that's why Boba Fett was such a big deal for as small of a 
character as he was."
The prodigal son (me) had returned (from a Vancouver  tour) and 
we were about to kill the fatted calf (go out for pizza). My friend 
was saying that Boba Fett was such a popular character despite his 
lack of screen time because he was the last action figure to shoot 
things. As the story goes, Boba was being offered in one of those 
"with 6 Proofs of Purchase" pre-release offers before The Empire 
Strikes Back came out  and at that time some kid shot a missile from 
a Battlestar Gallactica figure down his throat, choked, and brought 
an end to the days of cool violent toys.
Right now many of you may not know what I'm talking about, seeing 
as how last summer there was no pre-offer for Boba Fett figures. 
Here we see the generation gap: when I talk about the release of The 
Empire Strikes Back, I'm talking about the first time around, the 
time that most of you weren't alive for, back when we didn't get to 
see the monster that attacked Luke on Hoth or the cool shots of 
Cloud City. Right around 1981, the right to have a spring-loaded, 
gun-toting, missile-blasting guy for your army was wrenched from 
four-square callused hands of oppressed elementary school boys 
everywhere. Let me tell you: every American male between the ages 
of 21 and 26 can tell you where he was the moment he heard that 
missile-firing action figures were banned.
Today it's 1998 and those 23 year olds are no longer the elementary 
school boys of 1981. No, they aren't the ones playing with action 
figures anymore, they're the ones designing them.
This fact didn't occur to me until one faithful day in a Wal Mart in 
Toronto. I was there with Chris Ciosek and Brett Outchcunis (the 
other 2 Yomega demonstrators) doing a demo for the X-Brains and 
Firestorms. When we got to the store they put us next to the display 
of a knock-off brand. Once everyone realized it they moved us to 
another area that was more open and didn't make it look like we 
were there to support cheap import versions of Yomega. While in 
transit from one side of the toy department to the other we were 
paraded by the display for the Transformers "Beast Wars" figures 
and one of them caught my eye; a really cool looking praying 
mantis. I pulled it off the shelf and after the demo went ahead and 
bought it.
After the demo we piled into the van and promptly sat in traffic. The 
largest, busiest WalMart in Canada (not an exaggeration, we were 
told it going in) and there was only one exit. I didn't give it a second 
thought, I was having a blast turning this bright green mantis into an 
evil looking warrior of 9" death.
I had given the packaging to the Bandai rep that was at the demo so 
it wasn't until I later that I found out his name was "Manterror". He 
is so freaking cool! The days of those stiff Transformers where you 
turn over the cockpit of a jet and unfold 2 pegs for arms are long 
and dead. This guy is fully jointed; shoulder, elbow, claw, knee, hip, 
head, the whole thing. GI Joe's Kung fu grip has reached a new level.
And gone are the days of those expressionless faces that merely 
defined eyes, nose and mouth. The Predacons have sneers, teeth, 
and sharp beastly eyes that constantly remind you that you aren't 
dealing with impersonal little H.A.L.-type robots. (note: Autobots 
and Decepticons have evolved into the Maximals and Predacons of 
the Beast Wars)
I turned Manterror into biped form and was examining him, making 
slashing sounds as I swept his huge claws around, and basking in the 
glow of villainous fun that dripped from the hands Kenner toys when 
I realized that the elementary school boys of 1981 had been finally 
vindicated.
"Hey, Brett." Outchcunis was sitting in the van seat in front of me. 
He turned around and, gentlemen... I shot him with the whirling 
blades of plastic death that shot forth with Boba-power from the 
claws of Manterror!
Needless to say I was having a blast. The next day we demoed at a 
Toys'R'Us and I had the mantis perched on the sound system to 
ward off any charging Maximals that may be coming for us. The 
three of us were around yoyoing as you'd expect and every time I'd 
turn my back to go help one of the very few kids that showed up 
that demo Ciosek would start looping at the mantis to knock him off 
the sound system.
"Hey! Don't screw with the mantis." I should have seen that for the 
predecessor to what was to happen at the next demo that it was.
At the next demo, Ciosek went over to the Transformer display and 
got Optimal Optimus, the biggest Maximal they had. He then 
grabbed the three Maximal set that combined into one huge robot. I 
quickly realized that I was in the middle of an arms race so I bought 
the Predacon three figure set. Now many of you that know Chris may 
think I'm lying. After all Chris Ciosek is not the guy that you'd 
expect to play with Transformers. But you have to look at it like 
this: he's not one to play with action figures, but more than that, 
he's not one to be outdone at anything by a purple-haired freak.
We had a long van ride over to the next location that was spent 
trying to figure out all of our new found multi-faced ambassadors of 
doom. Again, these aren't the Transformers of yore where all you 
had to do is open a couple car doors, pull out some legs, and fold 
down the hood. These guys are technical marvels. Another thing is 
that when you're a kid you never worry about breaking stuff. Now 
days I can break sticks over my knee that I would've used as pole 
vaults in 1981 and I was worrying about ripping of a limb or 
something. After all, it was cool to see your sister's Ken doll pop a 
head off, but when Megatron lost a leg it was cataclysmic.
The next location was our final demo. During it we each took a 10 
minute breather, standard practice. Chris came back from his with 
Depth Charge, the giant Maximal manta ray that shoots grenade 
discs from his chest and has a remora fish/gun that shoots two 
missiles.
When we got back to the hotel, the battle commenced; this one was 
a minor skirmish between the two 3-robot teams. It was a straight 
charge. I had my heavily armored crayfish and beetle gang up on his 
elephant, knowing that that one would be the biggest trouble. He 
took out my crayfish, but barely touched the beetle. With them 
engaged that tightly with his guy they were safe from the Maximal 
falcon. I launched an air-strike with my cicada against Chris's lion. 
No contest, the lion was bug food. But the Falcon unloaded a couple 
missiles and shot him down right after. It ended with the Maximal 
falcon, no armor but in perfect health, against my beetle, light 
damage but heavy armor.
I figured it for a coin toss to see who could take that one, but Chris 
said that as a Heroic Maximal, his guy would call it a draw and live 
to fight another day.
By this point Brett, who'd been swinging between thinking this was 
kind of cool and thinking we were both total jack asses, had lost all 
of his patience. We grabbed a cab and went to dinner where Chris 
said that he had a whole army of Autobots waiting in the winds for 
me. I told him that I was up to it and that I'd show up in Vancouver 
with a swarm of Predacons and Insectagons. Vancouver was the next 
tour that we were doing together 2 weeks after this Toronto run.
After dinner we were back at the hotel and decided to have Brett 
referee our second huge battle. This time everyone was in except 
Optimus. I figured that being "Ref" meant setting up some terrain 
with suitcases and couch cushions and giving us starting positions. 
But in the end Brett became the arbitrator for a diceless game of 
Warhammer.
It was a long and bloody fight. The Maximal triple team started out 
in giant robot mode and I again ganged up on him with my bugs. 
Except Manterror who's "Special Kung Fu power" I was saving for the 
end.
By the end we had slowly gunned each other down, used dead 
troopers for cover, laid siege to the chair and the teams had been 
reduced to Manterror with light damage and Depth Charge who had 
to keep flying because I had cut off his legs.  By the time we got to 
this point I, personally, was tired and starting to feel sick. We had 
made the mistake of putting in a third party, so instead of the give 
and take that the first battle had there was a lot of pleading our 
cases.
It got to the point where it was do or die. All I could do was rush 
him and take the short range gunning. I had been chasing him all 
over the battle field and it was going nowhere but around the 
television and into the dining room. I figured my healthy guy with 
super Ninja skills should be able to take the damage of Depth 
Charge's small guns and be able to carve him up. I rushed but Chris 
had pulled out the Maximal drill hand. He said that my guy jumped 
onto it, but I insisted that a Kung Fu mantis would've seen it. It 
became a huge debate and I just surrendered. It was just too damned 
late.
I swore my revenge. "I'm going to have an army in Vancouver!"
The next few weeks I gathered my forces in LA and was ready. I 
called Chris and said, "You ready to have your Maximal butt 
whipped?"
"You think so eh?" he told me, but then they didn't show.
Shear intimidation! I had stared him down. My army marched over 
the hill with our drums banging and the Predacon Insect flags flying 
and they ran in terror. After me jumping around the Fish & Chips 
place we went for lunch the first day chanting, "I win! I win! Ha Ha 
Ha." Ciosek claimed that it wasn't over, he just couldn't travel with 
an army as huge as his. But I knew the truth... shear intimidation.
And now as I sit reporting our last tour of duty, my army is 
sharpening its claws, checking its multiple shapes, and flexing its 
kung fu grip. But most importantly, as I sit here telling the tales of 
battles won and loss, I can shove four inch shafts of plastic down a 
tube containing a spring that was saved from the lackluster fate of a 
ballpoint pen and call it a missile launcher.
Boba Fett is avenged.