This is an excerpt from a letter that was written in response to one 
where my dad was telling me about what was going on with my 
grandmother who had recently broken her hip and was now in a 
nursing home. It was written right before Valentine's Day '98.
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I think the modern torment of getting old is nature's way of 
punishing us for getting away from what is real and matters. Two 
hundred years ago we'd be spared the scourge of a 15 year stay at 
Top of the World [retirement community in Florida] and a slow 
death in a hospital bed. Two hundred years ago it'd be 7 days with 
pnuemonia, 7 minutes with a mountain lion, or 7 seconds with a 
heart attack. Boom. They bury you, have a  few drinks and get back 
to the business of staying alive. Life is something that you earn. 
"Earning a living" didn't always just mean "earning money". People 
think you are just given life and since everyone has one you're 
entitiled and it's something that everyone deserves. Incorrect. I 
think if life was still something that you had to earn from fighting 
off bears, turning the fields, genuinely giving to society, then people 
would appreciate it more.--going back to my rants about not being 
able to appreciate what you haven't worked for. I think if you truely 
appreciated life, it'd be hard to waste it going out kicking and 
screaming (I think the slow deathes we subject ourselves to are 
people kicking and screaming as the
Grim Reaper politely asks us to leave the theater). Everything's taken 
for granted these days. I think it's dangerous and it's what is causing 
so much unhappiness. The truth is that EVERYTHING we are given, 
from our paychecks to our air, is a gift and we should be glad to 
have 'em. And they aren't gifts that God HAS to give us. As I've said 
before, the "grand fairness" is a device that people created to sell 
more stuff and keep close to their material comfort, it's not a law 
that The Universe (God, Vishnu, the Tao, or whatever) has to follow. 
[read ³Fear and Tylenol²]

I had an insight the other night. If I appreciate something, I am 
thinking/speaking kindly of it becasue of what positive role it's 
playing in my life. Now if everything is part of God, then when I 
appreciate something, I'm thinking kindly of God because of the 
positive roll this thing is playing in my life. If I thank someone for 
something then I'm saying/thinking kindly of them because of the 
positive role they've played in my life. There for appreciating 
something and thanking God for it are interchangable. If I truely 
appreciate something, I'm thanking God for it and if I am truely 
thanking God for something I've been given then I'm
appreciating it. (Now this is getting back to my ideas of 
"appreciation" like a mechanic with a Honda appreciates a Porsche 
and really thanking God not just saying grace for a dead bird).

Well, I'm going to lighten up on that... unfortunately I don't have 
anything else to talk about. Having an unchallenging life, I feel like a 
prisoner without a view that spends his time painting incredibly 
intirquette and overly detailed landscapes. I think  I'm just spinning 
my wheels. I could have the answers to the Universe in my palm 
right now and come this Saturday, I'll still be $20 richer for the box 
of chocolates I didn't have to buy. (that's an observation of divine 
comedy, not a depressing comment)